Crossbuilt: The Course
The confusion about money. The silence instead of an answer. The sense that she’s loving one month and distant the next. None of it means what you think it means, and almost none of it is a character flaw, in her or in you. It’s two people loving each other from two different systems, with no shared one yet built. This course is how you build it, on purpose.
One-time payment. Lifetime access. 11 lessons + worksheets.
The Cycle
Not because you’re foolish. It’s because you’re interpreting everything she does through the only system you were ever taught. Here’s the loop almost every foreigner gets stuck in:
She asks about your finances early on.
You wonder if she's a gold digger.
She goes quiet instead of telling you she disagrees.
You assume everything's fine, until it isn't.
Money keeps flowing to her family.
You feel resentful but can't explain why.
"She used to be so loving. Now she's all about money."
You decide she changed. She didn't.
At 3am the real question shows up: is any of this real? You can’t answer it, because you don’t have the framework to tell a cultural difference apart from a genuine problem. So you guess. And guessing is what slowly kills these relationships, not the differences themselves.
The Reframe
Maslow’s hierarchy has five levels: survival, security, belonging, esteem, self-actualization. The insight that reframes everything is this: you and your partner may be operating at different levels, and love looks completely different depending on where you stand.
You came to the Philippines looking for belonging: connection, to be wanted for who you are. If she’s operating at the security level, she’s assessing whether you represent stability, because her family has no buffer and the system offers almost nothing. When she asks about your finances early, that’s not greed. It’s a security-level question. You hear it as cold. She means it as serious.
And when she “suddenly becomes all about money again,” she didn’t revert to her true self. A family emergency dropped her back to the security level, the way it would drop anyone. That’s not deception. That’s Maslow. Once you can see the levels, the behavior that used to feel like a betrayal starts to make sense. That’s the first thing this course gives you. It’s nowhere near the last.
The Framework
A crossbuilt culture is a shared culture two people from different backgrounds construct on purpose, where both original cultures stay fully intact, and something genuinely new emerges that belongs to everyone who built it. Not a compromise. Not her world or yours winning. A third thing that’s yours.
The idea has real roots: Casmir’s third-culture building, Bhabha’s third space, Useem’s third-culture kids. But the academics were either theoretical, political, or studying children. None of them gave adults the practical tools to do it on purpose, in the place it’s hardest: a romantic relationship across a real power gap.
That’s what this course is. Most cross-cultural relationships are running on autopilot (functional, divided, no real depth), or worse, in costume, where his culture quietly runs everything with a few borrowed elements. Crossbuilding is the alternative. It’s alive, it has its own rhythm, and it can hold everything that matters.
What Changes
Read her behavior through the system she grew up in, instead of the one you did
Have the money conversation without it turning into a fight or a power move
Build a Family Support Budget that's visible, fair, and sustainable for both of you
Tell the difference between a real red flag and a cultural difference, with three clear tests
Decode indirect communication, hiya, and the "yes" that means "no"
Walk away with a written Crossbuilt Relationship Plan you actually share with her
The Curriculum
Every lesson is a video, a written companion that goes deeper, and an action step that turns it into something real in your relationship. About 3.5 hours of video, self-paced, yours for life.
The Pyramid and Why It Explains Everything
Maslow's hierarchy, applied to a cross-cultural relationship. You and your partner may be loving each other from different levels of the pyramid, and her security-level love looks nothing like your belonging-level love. The insight that reframes the whole relationship.
Your Honest Assessment
The Crossbuilt Framework in full: the four prerequisites, six principles, five stages, and five failure modes. Plus the Four Friction Points Diagnostic: money, communication, family, and where you actually stand right now.
You Keep the Tools
You walk away with worksheets, templates, and scripts you’ll come back to every time the relationship hits a new stage: a new family obligation, a hard conversation, a season of stress.
Pyramid Mapping Worksheet
Four Friction Points Diagnostic
The Three Circles template
Family Support Budget template
Money conversation scripts
Red-flag assessment
One-Year Vision worksheet
The Crossbuilt Relationship Plan
Who’s Teaching
I’m John. I moved to the Philippines in January 2020, and I’ve spent the years since living inside exactly the dynamics this course describes, and watching hundreds of other foreigners try the same thing. I’ve seen the relationships that quietly fall apart over money nobody talked about, and the ones that became something genuinely new.
The difference was never who found the “right” partner. It was whether they understood the system she came from, named the power gap honestly, and built something on purpose instead of drifting. That’s the whole course. No mysticism, no “Filipino women are like this.” A framework, the systems behind it, and the tools to build with.
From the Community
“This is probably the most insightful and important video you made. You lay out the universal needs of humans and then map individual behavior in a relation to their own needs. A real and powerful video which will help expats AND Filipinos to understand each other's behaviors.”
@MrJoe1199
YouTube
“Your last few videos have been absolute bangers! A lot of food for thought man thank you so much.”
@futurecobrah
YouTube
“John, another fantastic video. I appreciate your honesty and the time you have taken to learn the culture. I've learned a lot from you!”
@ChrisTorres78
YouTube
“Good morning Mr. Expat! You come up with the most unique and informative content! Thank you!”
@MichaelHarrison-l4e
YouTube
“Thank you for your authentic videos! Just recently found your channel here in YouTube. Keep up the great content!”
@vanguard6505
YouTube
Enroll
$347
One-time payment. Lifetime access, including updates.
California Expat Insider members get $50 off automatically. Explore Insider
Start with the free pyramid video and the relationship content on the channel. It’s the same thinking this course is built on, the honest first step before you spend a dollar.
Want ongoing guidance beyond the course? Explore Insider
